Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A+ Viking dick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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