I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You ruined the universe
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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