omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
