Pants 0. Shit 1.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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