so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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