whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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