Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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