I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
