I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
