I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
