I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
