If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
