she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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