my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
COCAINE IS GR8
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
