First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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