when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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