That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
