i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
