you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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