weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
