I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
