It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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