Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
