ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
