Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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