Rock
Scissors
Fuck
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
