remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
