Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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