When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
