Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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