Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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