She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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