Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.