I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.