So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
