I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.