I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.