How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
