That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
