How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
