in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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