i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
