Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
