I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
