well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
