mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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