I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
