he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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