If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
