I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
