I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
