I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
