I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize