Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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