I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
