Please don't use social media to get back at me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
