i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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