oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
