So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
