Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
