Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
