Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
