The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
