Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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