Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
