My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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