Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
