I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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