Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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