so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
