I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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