whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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