I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
