thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize