Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
