five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
