he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
