Non-Jews are for practice
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
