I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
