so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
