She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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